Have been wanting to do this particular Make Me Wonder post since weeks ago. Somehow never got around to tighten the idea and actually make some effort to pen something down. But today, as I’ve experience the situation yet again, I felt like it is somewhat a calling, I need to get this wonderment out of the way.
I’m sure everyone has encountered this situation at least once in their lifetime.
When you are looking for something in particular, you just can’t seem to find it. You searched high and low for hours, tore the house down perhaps. Only to realize later the item you are searching for is nicely sitting at some corner, right in front of you.
When you need to buy something, you just can’t seem find it. But you remember seeing it almost everywhere, when you weren’t hunting for it. Guinea Pig and I experienced this when we wanted to subscribe Astro for our room. We hunted everywhere, especially in malls for the lil Astro booth. Of course the search was futile. I finally subscribed it online. (that reminds me of the bitch fit I threw, but let’s keep that story for another day)
So… why is it that we don’t see what we should be seeing?
Are we not seeing very well? Not using our gift of sight the way we should be? Maybe it’s my blue eyes? Yes.. that must be it. 😛
A Dr. Wayne Dyer explained this phenomenon perfectly.
“Lack of good vision means you can’t see well, which impacts on how you act and move. In the physical realm, problems with vision can often be remedied with use of corrective devices like glasses or contacts”
But in the emotional realm – and it is often the case, as DaVinci said, ‘we LOOK but don’t SEE’. “This happens when we neglect to engage our brains while experiencing something, usually a strong emotion and we therefore slide past whatever we have encountered then have no memory of it later”
I agree 100%. I think this is the very reason why we keep having misunderstandings in our relationships! Think about it…. All our “he said , she said” scenario. Who is right and who is wrong? Do we ever remember every single detail?
So, in short, we are looking/approaching the problem, but we are not seeing it the way we should be when our emotions get in the way. In tensed and emotional situations, it is proven that we are unable to engage our brains in their optimum state because we are driven by emotions – anger, frustrations, betrayal…. etc. Therefore, often times, we forget what the solution came to be, and eventually went back to argue about the same old issue searching for that same solution. Granted there are times where the initial solution did not do the trick, therefore we revisit it, but there are more times where we simply just transfigured ourselves into broken records, and start blabbing the same old sentences, for we have very little or no memory of where that scenario headed the last time. So I wonder – will it work better if we can somehow cast those emotions aside while approaching certain issue, and let’s find out if we can remember the solution better ? (Guinea Pig: Let’s try this – in the name of science? :P)
“Another example from science, with a neurological basis rather than a socio-psychological one, is from a study of kittens who were kept from birth in a room with only vertical stripes. After a few months they were let loose in a room with chairs having low horizontal rungs. Poor things kept bumping their noggins on the rungs. Turns out they simply could not see them. Their brains had not formed neural pathways between their eyes and brain to recognize horizontal patterns.”
This is the situation of how we won’t find something if we do not know what it looks like or can’t recognize it. A very simple example I cooked up would be – if I would to ask a child to look for a condom, and all I described was it’s a transparent oily balloon. Even though he sees it in a pack on the table, he probably won’t be able to recognize it, cos in his mind, he is looking for a big blown up transparent balloon that was dipped in cooking oil! (ok.. I know it’s a bad example asking a kid to hunt for condoms, but you get what I mean)
More profound examples would be:-
We girls, well most of us, wants to marry the perfect guy. But we actually have no clue what he is like (cos if we are still hunting, most likely we haven’t had one yet). So like the kid who did not know what a condom looked like, we form pictures in our mind based on stories we hear, especially happy ever after fairytales we watched, and we go on a witch hunt for a guy who fulfills our checklist. So we yet again LOOK, but do not SEE the people we have right in front of us, and we would probably fail miserably cos we have no idea what we are looking for.
It’s also the classic case of how some materialistic girls, who hunts only for wealthy men to marry. They look on the surface of the man they are dating, constantly wondering how much he is worth, is he rich enough to support the luxurious lifestyle they yearn for, is he richer than another girls latest beau, but they fail to realize they probably do not know what they are looking for, and fail to see the gem he is on the inside, and oh, obviously she oozes the smell of materialism, if hes smart enough, he will finally flee. If you don’t learn to see someone for who he really is, but look only on the surface, say his net worth, I don’t know… chances are it will never work anyway? Well.. i really don’t know.
Somehow it reminds me also of a situation where we tried to look for something too desperately, we want it so badly, till yet again we are clouded by emotions, and we fail to see it even if it is right in front of us. I am reminded of how I used to be so obsessed by the idea of a happy ever after (not that I have given up on it, but I am more realistic these days), I used to want it so badly, need it so badly, that I actually lose sight what a relationship really is, or what it really should be. Truth be told, I had (still have) no idea what a happy-ever-after looks or feel like. I’m not 90 yet, so I really don’t know what it is. Again, I am merely forming my picture of the ‘condom’ by descriptions from movies, romantic novels, etc. So to really put things into perspective, I don’t know what I am searching for, so I possibly won’t see a potential happy ever after, even if it is right in front of me.
Hmmm… heads nodding in agreement?
That all being said, I am going to end with this
“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
Dr. Wayne Dyer