I was pretty much living in a bubble my whole 15 years of dating life. I was a true believer of “Love is enough, and we all will have our own Happy Ever After” This is one of the most common relationship myths I guess.
Ironically, it’s the whole ideology of “The Happy Ever Afters” that’s going to destroy our chance of having our very own Happy Ever After.
We are doomed the moment we start thinking all we do is to ride off into the sunset together. Trust me on this, it’s a pretty view, but with a hefty price to pay. What the movies and the romance novels really don’t tell us is that on the other side of that sunset, the next day, when a life together begins.
Being with someone else, especially when we start cohabitating, at the very least, we now have to find out how to share the same house, the same room, the same bed, and the same money. In addition, we now have new friends, new set of relatives, and strangers to deal with. We don’t go to back to our own home at the end of the day or weekends. We are now both HOME. Those charming things we used to like about each other are now with us all the time… and eventually may turn into annoyance. So when friction does its magic (not literally), we tend to ask… what happened to US? What happened to LOVE?
So YES. Love isn’t enough to hold us together. *POP* Do I hear some bubbles bursting? I know that feeling… but it has passed, and I’m taking baby steps, into adult-ville.
I am (was) a hopeless romantic myself (needless to say). I used to think that the love between two people can surmount all kinds of odds and obstacles, but there are severe limitations to that kind of thinking. In the real world (where I sometimes live) differences about things like: money, family, long-term goals, emotional & physical needs, kids (the list could go on a lot longer) can be deal-breakers. External forces have a huge impact on our lives. To dismiss them is to be naïve.
My bubble burst months back and for once, I found someone who is not afraid to lose me by making me face the truth, that maintaining a relationship is not easy, and not everything will come my way just because we are in l-o-v-e. While love can definitely help us get through some things, it’s not enough.
I goggled, and found this that I feel every gal should know before committing ourselves into a relationship.
“In most relationships, it is a normal part of couple development that when you fall in love you often experience a symbiosis. The brain releases “love” chemicals that facilitate this process and help in the bonding between two people. However, it is a stage of couple development that cannot be sustained indefinitely. Romantic love and the ‘honeymoon stage’ does not and cannot last forever.”
Sadly, I have to admit that I usually let go, I detached myself emotionally from a relationship whenever there is trouble in loverville. Rather than facing them head on, I run, or hide. This time, I’m doing it differently because I need to be an adult now and face the problems head on, but most importantly, this time around, I’m not fighting for this alone.
Shortly after he sent this SMS, he came back to me… with a surprise. Something for me to hold while we get through the storms.
Now that I’m no more living in a bubble, let’s see if finally some oxygen can knock some sense into me. Relationships do take a lot of hard work, commitment, time and energy! Cheryl Cole captured it perfectly in her song – Fight For This Love. My 3 favorite phrases:-
“Just know that you are not in this thing alone,
There’s always a place in me that you can call home,
Whenever you feel like we are growing apart,
Let’s just go back back back back back to the start”
“Anything that’s worth having
Sure enough worth fighting for,
Quitting is out of the question,
When it gets tough got to fight some more”
“Now everyday ain’t gonna be no picnic,
Love ain’t no walk in the park,
All u can do is make the best of it now,
Cant be afraid of the dark”
But it takes 2 hands to clap. We are only humans, with the need of having constant reminders and approvals that we are on the right path, and not working on it alone. Its the little reminders like this, that made me melt and gave me strength to fight another day.
Months back when I had trouble sleeping….
True enough, I woke up about 4ish, Guinea Pig woke up as well, couldn’t tuck me back to sleep, took me to Mcd instead.
Even though the fairy tales aren’t always right, I still believe there can be a happy endings. When we communicate for understanding, and make our relationship a priority, we do have a chance of succeeding where so many other millions have failed. Yes, it takes work. A lot of hard work. And only we ourselves, will know if it’s worth it.
Apart from the sailboat pendant, my most precious “love-momento’ is this. Taken from a stack of cards that Guinea Pigs pastor given him long time ago. This particular message, will serve as a reminder for me to stand strong agaisnt all forms of temptations, and behind this card, he dedicated this.
Yes, my fav gift.
Its cost? RM0 (ok..maybe the card material and the ink from my fav pink pen)